Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The best laid plans

Well, nothing has gone quite to plan this week....after a disappointing time on Sunday I was ready to redouble my efforts and train even harder, I was all set to quit smoking, eat less and drop some weight, and generally kick the world's ass. I was a day off the cigs and feeling kind of fantastic.
As so often happens, the entire world seemed to fold in ( not pointing fingers, but this did happen on sneaky fucker of a day). Fiancee announced that, despite the security offered by his (much higher paying than mine) job, that he wanted to pack it in, questioned my loyalty, questioned himself, and I was so shocked by the whole thing I ran screaming back to my lil smoky friends. I got my period. I lost sleep. This morning I gave up on a run for the first time ever-I felt nauseous, my legs were like lead and I had to face facts that I was utterly exhausted.
I'm kinda unsurprised. I am dieting hard and exerting a huge amount of discipline over myself. I am holding life by the balls, and pushing things hard enough that I sometimes go to bed completely wired. On weekends I tend to eat a little more and sleep for twelve-hour stretches.
But I never wonder why, because I know that nothing will stop me acheiving my goals. I picture what I want and I chase it as I run, as I work, as I rest. I've never been so doggedly determined, so single-minded. I usually lack focus, and I am really 'into' things....for a day or a month. But I've been chasing my dream down for six months now, making slow progress all the time, but I see all progress as positive. My whole mind is wrapped in positivity and self-control.
Having said that, today I decided that sometimes, you have to know when you're whipped. Try as I might, I can't do everything I want to, all at once. I decided that maybe it's time for an easy week, it's quite some time since I've had one, and there've been two races in the last month, so definitely time for a chill. Tomorrow (re-quit day, hopefully!) will be a nice long walk with the dog to clear my mind before work. Saturday we are heading to the park, which I had already planned....but instead of the big run I'd planned, we are going to have a fun run/walk and frolic. And maybe a hill climb, cause that's how I roll.

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