Slow, slow, quick quick slow

Hmm. Yet another up and down week of running....I really thought I'd moved on past bad runs.
After stacking runs on Tues/Wed last week I was struggling, but after a solid rest I had a lovely little easy run on Friday morning-such a glorious run that I floated through Friday, delighted with how good I felt and how 20 minutes seems so easy now that I'm building up to 40/50 minute runs.
On Saturday we had Melbourne/Hanmer Christmas, and I played with the kiddly winks on the floor, crawling and mucking around...should know better. My dicky knee hates that. I also didn't walk the dog, so come Sunday morning I really had no option but to take him on my long run, which I hate to do because he's just suck a handful on the long run.
It turned out ok though, because my long run lasted all of fifteen minutes. My left (dicky) knee felt all blobby and creaky, my right ankle felt bruised (I'm having some kind of shoe related problem there, possibly i'm lacing too tightly) and I just had nothing.
Logic kicked in. I've been training pretty hard, covering a lot more ground, it's the silly season, and I'm kinda exhausted. Something has to give, go home and take a rest day.
On Sunday I took what was really a pretty short walk. Maybe three kilometres, and by kilometre two my knee was going skreeek, skreek, skreek with each step. The only word in my mind was, SHIT.
So I took two whole rest days. Walked the first morning (pretty damn slow too, my energy levels are nuked), and opted for a lie in the second day. This morning I headed out for a half hour easy.
Overall it didn't go too badly, I stopped to walk a little a few times but I have to not worry about that, and while I had discomfort, I had no actual pain. I managed a very slow four kilometres during the half hour.
My panic now is, what if I could only run those distances because I thought I could? If one bad run has shaken me this badly, what would the result of a DNF (or a DNS?) be? Surely training will always have highs and lows. I was peaking on a high, maybe these lows are the price of those highs? Running is a heart breaking sport, because every time I get where I want to be something goes wrong, so I'm always building back to where I was, but to be fair, the point of reference is constantly getting better, and I'm continuing to run smarter and better. I also probably need to remember that as I'm now running 7:30 ks on my best days, I'm not exactly training for the Olympics.
Hmm. Sunday I have an epic run planned, (it's supposed to be an hour long) and I've been sweating it for weeks. I'm going to be in Bairnsdale, my home town, and there's a beautiful trail there that I've walked many times. I've been dreaming of running this trail since...hmm, probably since about October. Those kinds of running fantasies where you're springing along, ponytail bouncing, gazelle-like through dappled light and shade. And now instead of thinking how gorgeous it might be, how exciting to rediscover forgotten turf, I'm thinking about how i'm going to make an hour. *shakes head* Maybe this run needs a special mantra, a customised vibe. I want it to be about joy-it'll be Boxing day, too, and the weather is supposed to be sublime. Guess I'll just have to find a mid-point between tenacity and joy.

Back to backing it

I got experimental this morning, doing my second run in two days. Normally I always have a rest day between runs for recovery, but my plan keeps calling for sessions two days in a row, so it was time to give it a try.
Was a bit nervous about the whole thing, so I took it easy yesterday (30 min easy) so I'd have some left in the tank for today (40 min progression).
It didn't go super super great, a very slow five k, some nice speedy bits during the progression, but I walked the last kilometre becuase I was done like a dog's dinner. Lead legs, and just a general bonk-y feeling (I wonder if I lacked carbs because it was 5am?) but I didn't want to wreck myself my first time running back to back.
Overall I am pleased but oh lordy, i am taking exhaustion to a whole new level today. My legs are heavy and I can't stop yawning, it's even difficult paying attention at work (although that's always a bit hard). I'm not quite ready to call this two-days-in-a-row thing a success, but it definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Slow down, take it easy

Oooh, I left this off in a bit of a dark place, didn't I! I drifted off into that eerie space where you either pick yourself up and go run, or become someone who 'used to'.
Since my last post, a lot of things have changed....I got a payrise (wahoo), and things have been going very well at home (lots of love) but I have to say that the most wonderful thing is that after almost nine months of running, I've finally gone and become a runner!
I had a few very dark weeks of really poor, disappointing efforts, and of having to drag myself out the door, and yeah, just horrid.
I skipped the middle race of the SIS series, and was kind of looking for ways to slack off and duck out of the third, but I'd paid for it, and well....I decided worst case scenario it'd be a nice walk. My preparation was poor-I stayed up late, though admittedly it was a lovely night, and I did at least manage to eat my traditional pre-race meal (pizzaa!).
I didn't have the nerves I usually do, because I wasn't expecting anything. Plus, I was alone, so I think I felt less pressure. I was early enough to do a nice slow warmup, jogging gentle laps around the grassy area near the start, hopping back in the queue at the start line, then hopping out to run a few more laps when I felt jittery.
My wave left and I decided to maybe just jog slowly...after awhile I fell in behind a couple doing a really slow pace (much slower than what I'd usually do-but cannot sustain). They were trim and neat in matching white 2xu hats, so I dubbed them the 2xu twins.
And behind them I stayed. And stayed. Slowly puttering along behind them. At the 3.5 mark the lady stopped to walk but the man kept jogging (yes, they were going that slow) so I passed them, carefully reining in my stride to avoid burning out. I ran up a hill, growling out loud, refusing to be one of the chubby girls walking up. I ran through fed square and over the bridge. I ran down the line and I finished. My throat went all tight and I thought I'd cry because I'd finally actually RUN a race, instead of running half a race.
It was a slow time, but I don't care. Because I ran all the way. And I haven't stopped since.
I realise that a play by play of a newbie's race is probably incredibly dull, but I have gained so much from this race, when I went in expecting nothing. I learned the most important thing I've learnt since I started running-to slow the hell down! I passed a lot of girls doing what I used to do- running along quickly before flagging to a walk, red faced and exhausted.
Since then I've undertaken a REAL training plan, and I can now run for about 40minutes nonstop, covering almost 6 kilometres. Baby steps to many, but my baby steps are getting bigger all the time.

Baby stepping

Dragged my lazy butt out of bed for a run today, and while it still hurt and sucked and such it was definitely better, even if I was motivated by frustration, anger and spite....

Motivational Crisis :/

I've just about kicked this evil flu's ass (finally!)...but the upshot of it is that I went a whole two weeks without running!
I made it out on Sunday for a short, gentle run, and even though I knew that it would be hard, I'm not sure I was prepared for just how difficult it would be...it was like starting all over again, and somehow worse than starting all over again would have been. I ran for nine minutes all up (short intervals, designed to loosen the mucous still in my lungs, ewww!). I hardly even broke a sweat, but my lungs were burning and my legs felt like lead.
I should have gone back out for round two this morning...but I chose bed. I'm pretty ashamed of myself, because I really need to get back out there! I'm blaming daylight savings....I always got up at 5am, stupidly early, but I'd adapted...but since the change on Sunday I am now getting up at what is *really* 4am, and I'm not coping very well with it yet. Sadly, I have also realised that (deeply ashamed for telling you this, but it's true) cigarettes really helped me to get out of bed in the morning, not because they're so fabulous but perhaps because feeding the little monster was enough to tip me over into being able to climb out.
Motivation has kind of deserted me...even upcoming races and such aren't holding anything for me. My plan at this point is just to make myself get out there and go the hard yards until things get easier....I just need to work out how to follow that plan through to those 5am starts......

No good deed goes unpunished...

My reward for quitting smoking (it's been ten whole days now!)was to contract possibly the nastiest flu I've had in a decade...not happy! After my long(est ever!)run on Sunday I pulled up and started to cough....and haven't stopped for a week. Fatigue, fever, sinusitis, aches and pains, even an attack of shingles. Sadly I never realise that I'm run down and stressed out until AFTER my body melts down and it's too late to do anything about it.
I took most of the week off work...usually my job is quite stress free but at the moment there are some staffing issues that are quite worrying, and now I owe a whole bunch of sick leave, more depressing still...
I'm trying to regain my health by hitting myself with foods and supplements that I know make my body sing. Echinacea, barleygrass, Olive leaf extract....it's scary to think about how quickly i got sick, and just how ill i got. I'm still producing copious amounts of boogers and coughing up quite a lot of phlegm, which means it's not entirely safe to run yet.
Buttttttt, i did go for just the tiniest run this morning. More to allay my fears than anything else, I was frightened that I'd never be able to run again (cos fitness wears off in a week, i was sure). I ran a one minute cadence test (160 steps per minute, I'm planning to work up to 180) then coughed my hole out! But a kilometre later I was feeling so good I ran a half kilometre just to test the waters. I almost cried with elation, it felt so damn right to be running again, stretching my legs out and slurping down cool morning air. I cough feel the goo in my chest but my breathing still wasn't as bad as when i smoked, so i count that as a victory. I wasn't supposed to be running really, i had the wrong shoes on and everything but i just didn't really give a crap. I'm planning to carefully run some short intervals this week while I continue to heal, and start building back up next week.
I think i really needed this, in a weird way. My motivation was flagging and i was focussing heavily on times and goals and weight and on not being where i wanted to be, when i should have just been rejoicing in the freedom and joy of being able to run at all.

The best laid plans

Well, nothing has gone quite to plan this week....after a disappointing time on Sunday I was ready to redouble my efforts and train even harder, I was all set to quit smoking, eat less and drop some weight, and generally kick the world's ass. I was a day off the cigs and feeling kind of fantastic.
As so often happens, the entire world seemed to fold in ( not pointing fingers, but this did happen on Tuesday....you sneaky fucker of a day). Fiancee announced that, despite the security offered by his (much higher paying than mine) job, that he wanted to pack it in, questioned my loyalty, questioned himself, and I was so shocked by the whole thing I ran screaming back to my lil smoky friends. I got my period. I lost sleep. This morning I gave up on a run for the first time ever-I felt nauseous, my legs were like lead and I had to face facts that I was utterly exhausted.
I'm kinda unsurprised. I am dieting hard and exerting a huge amount of discipline over myself. I am holding life by the balls, and pushing things hard enough that I sometimes go to bed completely wired. On weekends I tend to eat a little more and sleep for twelve-hour stretches.
But I never wonder why, because I know that nothing will stop me acheiving my goals. I picture what I want and I chase it as I run, as I work, as I rest. I've never been so doggedly determined, so single-minded. I usually lack focus, and I am really 'into' things....for a day or a month. But I've been chasing my dream down for six months now, making slow progress all the time, but I see all progress as positive. My whole mind is wrapped in positivity and self-control.
Having said that, today I decided that sometimes, you have to know when you're whipped. Try as I might, I can't do everything I want to, all at once. I decided that maybe it's time for an easy week, it's quite some time since I've had one, and there've been two races in the last month, so definitely time for a chill. Tomorrow (re-quit day, hopefully!) will be a nice long walk with the dog to clear my mind before work. Saturday we are heading to the park, which I had already planned....but instead of the big run I'd planned, we are going to have a fun run/walk and frolic. And maybe a hill climb, cause that's how I roll.